Friday, May 8, 2009

Gray’s Anatomy

Organs of Special Senses

I see and hear the silence before he overfills the room with anger. I enjoy the seconds of quiet and ignore the stare that could cover me in rashes. In my face , I see and hear him , my ears ring with the repetition of “fuck you” , my eyes water and I retch , vomit on the hardwood floor. I see it, an orange brown puddle. I leave it there for him to slip on.

The Female Organs of Generation

Inside it is soft as fleece; it could stay forever, as it might. The baby , that is born in my dreams . silent but alive in my arms. Fatherless and fearless we carry on together . Our utopia , we are pale beauties that look like creatures underwater. Perfect clear eyes stare and seek comfort and small hands clutch my hair as we journey through the capricious landscapes. I wrap the baby in a shawl of yellow satin and wool . It coos and pouts, I wake to empty arms and a longing that remains inside.

Embryology

My father was gone during my gestation. He left my mom alone with her mother while he was strung out on coke and whiskey with his brothers. He lost his tractor repair business and filed bankruptcy while I grew inside my mother. Every dollar my father made was snorted up his nose as my mom decorated the insides of house with slate blue, brown, and brass fixtures. I was planned she told me. Not well enough I thought.


Written: March 26, 2009

Harvest Goat

Hoping for better weather, they slaughtered the goat but left the one-legged virgin alive, to forever wait for marriage. She saved herself convincing the elders that a goat is sturdier and more able bodied to climb the stones steps above where the gods of harvest stir and take only pitiful pleas and moans of desperation.



Written: March 26, 2009

Half a Mind

Waiting on a wizard to undo what is wrong

To split a spirit into two

Logic and magic

To be harmonious and amorous

Without ground to do so

Saying and praying akin to

The bird on the branch that sings to soft air

With a potion to disrupt this rigid policy of living

Unbind sins and mix with virtuous

Can you spot a variation?

Stay stray and it might occur

Matching spirits all of us

Us, fighting and spotting the unusual

To watch this saintly spoil

Is brutal

Stitch our spirits back, a poor wizard is worn out

Coming into and backing out of dark and light

A balance of insight in twilight

A rotation of truth

a solitary solution

As all turn to not just our natural world

But to the amorphous wisdom

To fair this world

Would transform man and woman

A will full of atoms

Brain and brawn away

Into what is always

Magic and logic

Wizard and witch

Child and fairy

Animal and plant

pit and dirt

All us and you

The obvious and

The oblivious

Written: February 8, 2009

Thursday, May 7, 2009

For my Valentine

I feel like :

Once a piece of my valentine heart flew from my chest
Landed in front of me
and grew
Into him
he is a redwood tree
strong and fragrant
a Smooth long branch
Glistening with dew
Towering so gently
wrapping me in warmth greater than the sun
The wind blows through
Leafs loosen and memories fall
I pick them up and make a bed for us
Lovers lying on the forest floor
Nesting birds chirp in delight to see love like that
They know he will always be there
A tree made of lost love and romance reanimated
Like no other
Together
We grow into eachother


Written: February 14, 2008

no distance between

Euphoric in the Name of you

I want you

You got me.

Feel magic

Running my fingers

Under your waistband

Positive

And a little insecure

I see you...

In the future

You

Me

And happiness

A welcome mat to

Love

I feel the grit and the comfort of reaching home

Only familiar in dreams

Built on what I thought were lies

Fables of greatness

Musing of men

No truth in bashings.

Fights

I welcome

Goodness never comes out

Calmness

Where passion is absent

Put out

Patootie to my cutie…

Your heads…

The salt and sensation of both

Carouse

I find all things erect in the presence of such

Consumptions

No sugar added...

But still sweet as all hell and the heaven

Where love rests.

Mourn both

Bitter

Sweet

Thick and thin

Eyebrows

Dance

As they both watch in aye

Friends

Lovers

Take me to a hidden place

Where passion lies naked

And waiting

Tension builds

Lubing tight spots with

Neck kisses and hickies that

The sensitive skin is grateful for.

A journal of self and interest

Rest in meows and barks

We. Products of

Domestic beasts

And nutriment

To make our own.


Written: September 11, 2007 - Tuesday



random but thoughtful

Withdrawal from

The smell of gold

And blood, bold red

To be invisible dust that settles

Disappear into

Teak of chopsticks

In cracks and splitters

I rest

To be the invisible

To the carousing

And the erect




Written: June 6, 2007

mintou

There is a moral dilemma at hand
Always it seems
That dust turns to dirt
And I'm once again
Cleaning up after a mess
I feel I didn't make
Vague and misunderstood
Where did I meet you?
May be at the mall
Where teenage girls
Shop and sulk
Mystery and faintness
Collide here
Under all things I know
Its there
Waiting to be unwrapped
The only gift I feel I shake
Too often
Impatient and quiet
I feel I didn't make
The cut


Written: April 6, 2007

random thought

I remember how hard is to smile sometimes

And the only times I can is when I think of something really funny I witnessed

You never make me laugh hard on purpose and that worries me

Yet , I still smile because I just feel like it.

My eyes are happy to see you


Written: February 3, 2007

Ideology of an idealist

Variations of lovers
It's hard to change sweet habits.
Time doesn't heal as good
As another variation does.
It's so much eaiser to have
others lick your wounds
Scar tissue softens when wet
it's stings less , than when alone
unwrap the gaze and
face the sound
of the white noise of a dial tone
then growl of a sports car
and the swoosh of a revolving door

Written: March 16, 2006

The Prince of Shy

She walks across the room

He watches and wonders

Somewhere

A piano is playing, a tune

To fall in love to
He hears the tune

Looks down

At his folded hands and then

Feels his closed mouth

She walks out of the room

And the piano stops

Playing somewhere

But continues to play

in his thoughts

The violins start and stop

As she enters the room

Again, he looks for eye

Contact. He craves

Only a Smile,

Even it's smug.


Written:April 24, 2006

the lonely smokers club

June 10, 2006 - Saturday

In this vessel of life I have carried all of you inside me.

What makes the salt of your tears and the brain that imagines my end .

You don;t know us very well

My favorite color isn't yellow

and I secertly hate flowers and nursery rhymes.

He wanted to be cowboy but he settled to be a cotton farmer.

We will watch you all and know you better someday.

Some of you will fight and some of you will write

either way your hearts will break

even if you don;t know it.

You will carry eachother in this year.

As all I can do is lay now

and watch the sunshine peak through the vertical blinds.

My babies, your memories of me will nurture you

and hold you when you can't hug me

Remeber them,

I didn't say that for nothing.


Written: June 10, 2006

beyond blood and guts

The sound of your heavy breathe I long to hear.

The sight of your hairy chest I long to see

The tang of your salt I long to taste

The pulse of your smothest muscle I long to feel

Oh, welcome me to your senses too


written: March 15, 2006

NAME

Can't

Act

Rational

In

Such

Sessions of

Affection

You know those little poems that you wrote in middle school/high school like this. What if you turned in a poem like this then? Do you think your English teacher would be slightly seduced?


written: March 14, 2006

lost at home

Sitting in a room shaded from the sunlight. Champagne pink afternoon sunshine is projected on the wall. It looks and feels like art. I don’t want to shut the door as I listen to Mazzy Star. I wonder what you are doing right now; maybe you see the same square of sunshine on your wall. It’s better than stars— a sunrise .. or sunset, which I never see .

Written:
December 16, 2005

Rant

I find myself bored and used up . The stars are dull .. and my organs feel oily . I feel like I missed my flight….i get butterflies in my stomach that turn into nausea . All I want is closure…

Yet I’m being kept away from it…

I’m in a glass case of emotion …

Laughing is okay .. but not as real as it used to be …

I hate when people tell me to smile… like you’re automatically supposed to do it…

Smiles don’t look good on me.. and apparently that’s a problem ..

From my experience, most people aren’t as nice as they seem..

If someone is an asshole to you once.. they will most likely be an asshole to you again…

I never want an accountant or a lawyer….

Pouring your heart out only results in heartbreak..

I want to leave my body…..

I tried of looking away …

I want to clean my room and stop lying..

What do people see when they look at me .. and why don’t they answer my questions..

Why are teachers the only ones who seem to answer them … maybe because they’re forced to

Thoughts run through my head during the day, the foot-in- mouth treacherous gut feeling.. can be overwhelming.

Why do I feel like I need to write this

…..I want a beer


written: August 3, 2005

Pretty Bones



When I die scrape all of the flesh off my bones. Pluck out all the organs inside and throw them away. Remove them how you want. Especially those sex organs .. my breasts , vagina , thighs, hands, lips, and the dreamy part of my brain... They will always be just fleshy hang ups which got me in to too much trouble. Flesh is nothing but a tragic reminder of science.

Scrub my skeleton clean. Bleach me. Make me sparkle. Paint me the perpetual lime green I surrounded myself with. Weave satin ribbon thru my ribs. Glue polished stones on the center of my chest; let me feel the weight even in death.

Leave me on an ex-lover’s doorstep. I’m sure they will all outlive me. Watch me wait.


Written: October 27, 2005

I am moving all my poetry to my blog just so I have a point of reference .